I recently made a promise to myself. That promise was that I was going to live my life to the fullest, and really not give a fuck. I felt I was embodying that to somewhat of a point beforehand, but I wasn’t really following through. I’d say “yah man I’m just making the most of life”, yet I’d turn down opportunities to travel with friends to have a shit ton of fun in other countries before the Covid virus. The main reason was that I was being stingy with money, I could easily afford the expenses, but I cared more about seeing my bank account continuously going up than seeing it go down a little bit to have a great time.
Sure I would spend some decent money here and there at the club or bar, but anything major was always a big no no for me. Shit I was living like a minimalist at home, mainly because I was just so cheap at times that I wouldn’t buy things that I really wanted because I’d do what I could to protect my bank account. Not saying that the minimalist lifestyle is bad at all, it can be really beneficial for a lot of people. But I was clearly denying myself things for the sake of denying them and feeling some fake superior feeling for sticking to being a minimalist.
On top of that, I’d turn down opportunities to get to meet new people or try new experiences outside my comfort zone because I already felt safe with what I had right now. But now, I’m realizing that this mentality is literally fucking stupid. We’re here once, that’s it. Once. After that, you’re dead and a few decades after that no one is going to give a flying fuck about you. I mentioned in my previous post when I tripped on shrooms and had an ego death that I realized that life is meaningless and everything is nothing. But I don’t mean that in a depressing way, I mean that in the most freeing way possible.
Yes, life is meaningless. Well guess what, that gives you the freedom to CREATE MEANING. If nothing matters, then you can choose what matters to you and drop the fears that kept you from truly living. I mean we’re all going to end up in the same place right? So why worry about insignificant shit like trying to save as much money as possible, fuck that. Save money, be financially responsible, but don’t be afraid to drop a decent amount of money to have fun. Just don’t go broke and don’t live way outside your means (Unless that’s something you don’t really care about either, for me I still like being financially secure. It makes life a little easier).
Last night. I bought an $1,100 road bike. I know I wanted to buy a bike for a while. But I realized I really wanted to push myself with cycling, I wanted to take it seriously. I wanted to do those 20 plus, 30 plus, 50 plus mile biking trips. And if I were to do that I couldn’t be a cheap fuck and buy some basic $300 bike from Dick’s Sporting Goods. No, I had to spend on a quality bike that would last me years. So that’s what I did. Old me probably would ponder the thought and tell myself “nah, that’s a dumb idea”. New me realized “hell yah, I’m about to have a lot of fun.”
Today, I picked up the bike at the store and did a 22 mile trip. It was beautiful, it was freeing, I pushed myself hard and at the end I was exhausted. Yet I felt truly amazing. I can’t wait for more biking trips in the future. And I can’t wait to keep pushing myself to bike further distances. Now, I’m going to promise myself to truly live, whether its through traveling or to new and fun experiences in general. I’m going to truly make the most of experiencing the world. Looking back I wish I would’ve agreed to do a lot of things with the people I know. But now, rest assured, I’m not saying no.