Having an unplanned Ego death during a psilocybin trip (Report)

I’ll just start off by saying that I’m not an experienced tripper. I’ve taken shrooms once before (about 1.8g). And I’ve taken a tab of LSD twice. I enjoyed the headspace I’ve gotten so far from them, but I didn’t go further than some decent visuals and color saturation. Outside of that I’ve been microdosing shrooms with some good results so far.

I was hoping to trip again today so I woke up early and took 2g of shrooms. Keep in mind, these were part of a bag of 11g that I shredded in a blender. I was microdosing with them for about a month and decided to do a full trip today for fun. Holy shit. Boy was I in for a fucking ride.

When I started to come up I immediately knew something was wrong. I knew I whatever I took had too much psilocybin and I was in for a hell of a time. I wasn’t ready, and I wanted the trip to end right as I was starting to come up. And my dumbass thought that I should down lemonade as I had believed that I had heard before that it can cancel out a trip. After doing research, I realized why I had tripped so fucking hard.

  1. Shredding up and taking shrooms makes them absorb faster
  2. Taking high acidic liquids like lemonade causes the psilocybin to become much more concentrated if taken early while it’s still being digested.
  3. 1 and 2 together lead to the trip to be twice as strong as it normally should’ve been, hence why I pretty much went from playing with sparklers on my first trip to being sent up to the sky like a firework on the second.

I started having some really strong geometric visuals while coming up and a really weird body high, I actually panicked and puked a few times. I kept trying to calm myself down and tell myself that I just needed to wait 6-8 hours and I’d be ok. But time literally wasn’t fucking moving.

I went to my roomate and asked him how long it had been since 8:20am (when I first took the shrooms), he said it was 9:20am, holy shit it was only an hour and I felt like I was stuck in a bad trip for 3. I was still coming up and realized that I’m in this ride whether I wanted out or not. So I accepted my situation and laid down. I pretty much just told myself “Ok shrooms, do what you want with me. I’m in it for the ride”. And that’s when I blasted off to another dimension.

The things I saw, were incredible. Infinite geometric patterns, refractions of shapes, never ending voids of every color ever. I went from freaking the fuck out to feeling a sense of peace. Then I met the beings. They were other worldly, their heads were giant eyeballs and they were wearing capes. One of them brought me through the different dimensions, where I saw everything and felt everything. Personality wise the entity was actually really chill, and he reminded me of korvo from solar opposites.

He was really friendly and asked me if there’s anything I wanted to know. I was just so astonished that I didn’t know what to ask. I did ask about my anxiety and depression (as I originally also wanted to do some mental healing from this trip along with having fun).The being pretty much telepathically communicated to me that I’d be ok, and that mental illnesses are an abstract, and don’t matter. He then told me to “let go.” It was then that I realized he wanted me to let go of my ego, and have an ego death.

I wasn’t ready at first, and kept trying to hold on to that tangent of reality that I had. He said “it’s ok, we can try again later”. He asked me if there’s anything else I wanted to know. I just asked if I could sit with him and watch this dimension we were in, he said “ok”. And there we sat for a while, just watching everything in all it’s beauty. He eventually brought me to more realms, each realm was just as beautiful and mind-bending as the last, after what felt like a long time. He looked at me and asked again “Let go.”.

I then accepted it and allowed myself to fully give in to the trip, I had an ego death. It felt like I melted into nothing, and everything meant nothing, everything lost it’s meaning and I had no identity of myself. I was everything and nothing at once, and I felt like I was part of this universe. It felt scary, yet calm and peaceful. Eventually I ended up in what felt like a control room with other beings. It was like a giant oval room with windows, and you could see that they were looking over earth. They all had capes and eyeballs for heads too.

I started to feel anxious, and wondered if I was coming down, they asked me “what is anxiety?”. And when I thought about I realized it was nothing. I then saw anxiety as something that was tangible, and it slowly melted and dissipated into nothing. I kept overthinking and wondering if I would go insane. Like I literally went from just laughing my butt off with friends on my first trip to being teleported to other worlds on my second. The beings assured me that I’d be ok. And that when the trip was over I’d integrate back into reality and be ok.

I felt much calmer after that, and telepathically I knew they wanted me to find peace. And create meaning from nothing. Things slowly started to come down and I opened me eyes. I was back on planet Earth. For another two or three hours I still had some slight visuals. And I was still in a bit of a trippy headspace. I was trying to explain to my roomate what I experienced, and he could tell I was pretty shaken by what I just experienced.

I tried to sleep but couldn’t. (Keep in mind it was only 1pm). Eventually I felt fully sober and decided to go for a walk. My god, it was the most beautiful walk of my life, I almost wanted to cry tears of joy because I was so happy to be alive. It’s like the shrooms gave me a renewed feeling of appreciation for the life that was given to me. It’s a beautiful day outside right now, and I’m happy that I’m here.

Overall, I wasn’t expecting to get so blasted off of 2g, but I’m glad I did. It was a crazy experience even though it was literally terrifying during the come up. I don’t see myself tripping again for a while, or if I do it’ll probably be really small dosages because this trip was just beyond comprehension.

The main lesson I learned: We are nothing. Everything is nothing. But that’s ok. Because we can assign meaning to what matters, and we can make the most of our lives. Everyday. We’re all connected, and we’re all one with each other. Not just humans, but nature and everything that ever existed.

2 comments

  1. CompassAndCamera · May 18

    I really like your thought about assigning meaning. There’s so much value in the power of doing that for yourself, rather than letting others tell you or choose for you. What an enlightening trip!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Nicholas C. Rossis · May 24

    Thank you for sharing your experience!

    Liked by 1 person

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